The scul-uff, scul-uff, scul-uff of my house shoes is getting on my nerves, as is the beyond dry condition of my skin and hair. I am dulled by naps and headaches and ridiculous television shows, and so tired of trying to focus my eyes for anything useful. Winter doldrums are not my normal; but then what has been normal for the past couple years? Now that I am feeling ornery enough to complain, I do see light at the end of the tunnel. The Covid ‘fog’ is lifting; also the aura that surrounds the loss of a loved one is finding its place a few paces away from the immediate needs of everyday living. And for every complaint I have just uttered, I enjoy a dozen blessings. So the good does not nullify the bad, it just makes it easier to bear. The blessings do not blind us to the ills; the ills illuminate the blessings.
I rise up in the morning, thanking God the sunrise did not get lost; that I can see, and walk and hear, and feel the freezing air and the warm house. I thank God for everything from hot coffee to holly berries. I thank Him for the time we have had with loved ones; brief or extended, the time is a gift. I’ve spoken gratitude for modern medicine and vaccine and those who act out of compassion, or just passion, to accomplish better lives for us all. From dear friends to my fur baby, from my husband to my children to the sister my husband loves to taunt, our people are a blessing!
I complained this morning about a hawk who has just about left us without song birds, and watching those birds was my favorite winter pastime. A couple hours later a beautiful pair of cardinals visited the bird feeder. What a gift! I wouldn’t have appreciated this treat quite as much if not for the gap of time our feeders have sat lonely.
When your heart aches, or your earth quakes, consider the opposite. Likely there is something in contrast for which you have been thankful; something to hope for and plan simply because you are alive. The lonely times are real, and I hope brief. Soon life rekindles and revisits and the birds will return to the feeder.
“ Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” (Matthew 6:26 NKJV)
First, a very happy birthday today to my 12 year old niece Isabella Claire, who has been a ray of sunshine in my life! The sun as well, is a beautiful gift from God today and I’m looking to it to continue healing. I am tired of feeling and looking like a slug; sick of taking care of only our household and not being able to reach out to others. Most thankful today for warm homes, drive-thru windows, and good medicine, I hope the Covid fog is about to lift.
The day I wrote the following was a good day, with a cherished visit from my brother’s daughter Sara and her toddlers as well as my sister and her young grandsons. The kids laughed and ran about so cute, having a ball, and the three of us, aunts and niece, had a good and much needed visit. The following day brought a new sadness to our family and one through which I am still processing via pen and paper. The events of the week hindered my tree-taking-down until the following Saturday afternoon; but the rest of my holiday decorations remain gathering dust, awaiting a time of wiping down and wrapping up. Snowmen stand smiling as if nothing changed; a small group of old world Santas seem oblivious to the calendar and uneaten candies have lost their taste for me. No longer fresh greenery shatters each time I pass it. In retrospect, I may reconsider the ‘bad luck’ in leaving a tree standing through the new year; not really sure.
Events of the past few weeks have left my mind and body craving newness but Covid is still pulling the reins on my strength, and sadness of my brother’s passing shadows my writing. In weak effort to pick back up and rejoin life, I am publishing this January 4 writing as I planned to do on that sweet morning.
January 4, 2022: Taking Down The Tree: Times of Tradition
We never used to leave the Christmas tree up into the new year. Mama said it was bad luck to have it up on New Years Day, but I doubt she believed it because she wasn’t normally a superstitious person. I realize now she simply needed it out of the way before getting back into her usual busy work week. I carry most of her traditions leading up to Christmas Day, which leaves me too tired to take it all down the week after, when I finally get to relax and enjoy it. (How DID she do it?) This year I’m really dragging it out because I am expecting company today who didn’t get to be with us on the 25th. I want her littles to get their gifts from under the tree. As I look upon the ornaments, dreading the process of taking it down, there’s one front and center taking me down memory lane so far I lost track of time.
Walking down the aisle of Kroger December 2009, I saw a rustic red wooden star with a fat little snowman painted in the center. Two points of the star were longer than the others, and they reached right into my heart. I stood holding it, sobbing, there in the middle of the grocery, thinking, “this – this very ornament is exactly what Mama would have given me this year” – I just knew it. Never before had I bought an ornament in the grocery, nor had I seen one I thought would have been given to me. But this one. This one was going home with me and now, Christmas 2021, it still adorns my tree and I can smile instead of cry.
I remember crying as I pushed my cart through Kroger a couple, maybe four or five times, I don’t know, I lost count actually that summer and autumn following her passing. I stand wondering this year, why. What about the grocery did that to me? Standing here today looking at my star, I just figured it out. For my entire childhood, from before I could remember, Mama and I did the grocery shopping together on Saturdays. That stopped of course after I married, but even then, if I dropped by on Saturday and she was gone, I knew I could find her at Owen’s Food Market, or the beauty shop.
Mama enjoyed recalling the times when I was a toddler, we would go ‘bumming’ on Saturday. We’d go to a dime store soda fountain in Cleveland, Ohio where she would lift me to a stool and we would share an ice cream soda. Afterwards, we’d get her shopping done. Her only day off for years was Saturday afternoon so the tradition continued, as two more children came along and we all four traipsed the aisles of Johnson’s Grocery in Murray, KY Saturday after Saturday. She bought ice cream and cokes for us to have a Saturday night treat, and I also recall getting to pick out a Little Golden Book for us on many of those trips.
Mama depended on credit in those days, so she remained loyal to one grocer at a time. When Mr. Johnson closed, she continued the tradition at Mr. Owen’s. They knew she would pay as soon as she could – and that’s as good a tradition as anyone needs – a good name.( “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, Loving favor rather than silver and gold.” Proverbs 22:1 NKJV. ) Holding my star, I know she was the star of our Saturdays, our Christmases, and many of our traditions. I’m glad I broke the one about taking down the tree on new year’s eve. Otherwise I wouldn’t have had the pondering time today, leading me on the grocery cart ride as I figured out twelve years later why I felt such loss in the aisle, and why I latched onto my Christmas star. May you find your own beautiful stars living in the traditions and memories of love. Trisha
Colt and Jameson 1-4-22Isabella Claire, ruthless opponent! 1-1-22
What do you do when torrential rains are falling, and New Year’s wishes are calling? If you are like me, you light a favorite candle, play soft music and write. This morning, my seed of inspiration came when my friend Linda sent a link to a blog in which the writer was stating her sadness for the world’s ills, from her own heartbreaking situation to those of her extended community. We can all say, “I hear you!”, unless we have our heads in the sand. I too, hurt deeply for those who’ve met with disaster, heartache and illness. But for some reason, I never see it as clearly in my own life. Sometimes I feel guilty for having it so easy, or it’s like I wear rose colored glasses. Remember that song?
Was it three or four years ago we had the total solar eclipse? Remember the little cardboard sunglasses everyone was grabbing to be prepared for the once in a lifetime event? I had the pleasure of spending that day with my sister and her granddaughters. We made a party of it, (she is like that) and I will never forget being able to witness such a phenomenon. If not for the special eyewear we would have either missed a part of the experience, or suffered eye damage. Wearing them protected us from harmful rays we could not see!
A good pair of sunglasses is another protection and vital to my bird watching pleasure. Our bluebirds perch on an electric line where the sun’s glare makes it impossible for me to admire, much less identify one bird from another, until I remember to wear sunglasses. Then I am able to see the beauty while blocking the glare. Same principle you experience for driving safety or vacation vistas. We just do not need to look right into the brazen blazing heat of the battles.
It seems God provides rose colored glasses to soften the glare of life, to protect and enable. If I were to sit down and start naming all the stuff I wish wasn’t there, I most likely would miss the beauty living right alongside the beast. I’d get so far down in the trenches I couldn’t see the light of day. Unlike the song, these glasses aren’t to “show only the beauty and hide all the truth”. Instead, these dim the glare of life’s ugly, helping me see more of the beauty – just like the sunglasses. For some, the way of escape is highlighted; others see how to execute a plan to make a change, none of which could be seen while squinting at blinding rays of our world’s woes. When we face a situation that feels unbearable, there comes a buffer from the heart of God and we know we’re going to make it one more step, one more day. A shield between us and the enemy, is “the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one” (Ephesians 6:16). “We walk by faith, not by sight.” (II Corinthians 5:7) Thank God, I do not need to see everything past, present and future to get where I am going – what an inconceivably amazing mind is that of our God, Who does see all! And then He lets me see through the eyes of faith all I need to know, where I need to go, and a glimpse of eternity’s rosy glow.
I would be blind and unkind to minimize the struggles the past year has held for so many. But I know God offers shelter from the storms, rest for the weary and grace for when I forget to acknowledge His provisions. Life does have sharp edges! It does get ugly. It makes me cry. I just cannot look at all of it at once. Wearing God’s rose colored faith glasses, I see the rosy glow behind a sunset’s clouds. I clearly see Him carrying us through, conquering our enemies, and giving peace that passes understanding.
My “happy new year” is a bit late due to my choice to set the writing aside for a while and enjoy many blessings. A good hot meal to cook, in a dry warm house; the company of a good husband; visit from nieces here who taught me to play Chinese Checkers and Spoons; and texting with my precious friend and family too, are the rose colored glasses God gave me today.
May your 2022 be just bright enough – not blinding, and not dark. But when you do (and we will) get to those places of too much or not enough, have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ who walked this way already and knows exactly where you need to place each step.
Trisha's Coffee Break 