Category Archives: Reflections

Coffee Breaks

20 Saturday Feb 2021

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Trishascoffeebreak began at a time when coffee breaks were at a premium. Over the years the blog has covered many subjects, but usually from a current vantage point in life, mostly in bits of nature where the author felt safe walking through blessings and scattering encouragement along the way. It seems a more fitting title for my blog now would be “Coffee With a View”, since the breaks are more leisurely taken, and I get to actually finish the coffee before it’s cold, perhaps staring out my window the whole time at whatever the seasons bring to view. Today my view took a backward look at the time when coffee breaks were few and cherished; the arena of life that has stayed off my keyboard because I always knew there would be readers with more experience, more knowledge, who were faster on their feet than I and left me feeling like I had no right to write.

Coffee breaks in my former life, were a time to catch your breath or catch up on the endless charting and restocking. Wash cloths, towels and emesis bags seemed to fly out the window if you took time for so much as a half cup of hot coffee. As sure as you decide to sit and enjoy a ten minute break, you’d end up in a delivery where Dr. Austin called for a 14-French suction catheter that wasn’t there and you’d be racing out to find one, wondering how you missed that when you checked to see if the room was ready. The 2-0 chromic suture box was full until a patient tore, or Dr. Cook cut an episiotomy when, sure enough, the box is empty. Coffee breaks were when you chose between restocking or refueling. By the time you empty the overfull bladder and grab a cookie from the box left two days ago by a grateful patient, to quiet the growling stomach during your next patient interview and assessment, there’s no time to stand in a cafeteria line for a fresh cup of coffee. I’m pretty sure God gave us “Preparation Time” that we mistakenly named “Coffee Break”.

On the days when you want to push your chair to the back wall and just breathe for a moment, you hear a co-worker coaching how to effectively push, then suddenly yell “don’t push – just breathe!” and you immediately know you must call their attending physician in for a precipitous delivery and breathlessly you arrive to help her escort a new life into the world. A world where you hope someone used their break too, to restock that room, and you’ll find warmed blankets and suction bulbs ready.

Some days a coffee break finds you sitting next to a co-worker who needs to spill tears for her latest breakup when you really just needed a moment to pray for your son’s failing marriage. But with cup in hand, you listen and sympathize, and make a mental note to drag an apology in with your weary feet tonight for some hasty word said when you left home this morning. You use the final moment of a much-needed break to remind the co-worker and yourself how we have to leave such things at home and give that space in our hearts to hold our patients’ woes, just for today.

Lastly, and less often, there are the days when you actually do have time to grab a cup of coffee and enjoy it, only to return to find a gurney rolling in with a patient who started bleeding and you find she only had a couple prenatal visits and those records are in the stack of prenatal records someone just left on the nurses’ station desk while you were gone. The next three hours are spent stabilizing the patient, speeding through paperwork and stuffing your guilty feeling into your scrubs for ever taking a break in the first place

I wouldn’t take a home in Georgia for my times and trials of nursing, but I am so grateful now for a break – to rest, relax and finish my coffee. Though those times certainly gave me gray hair and wrinkles and heart palpitations, they also gave me a world of appreciation and understanding I’d never have gained otherwise. As the reflection off those sharp edges begins to soften with the tarnishing of time, I know there are memories too big and mysterious for words. However, I have begun to try. As I sip my second cup of coffee from my Saturday mug, I allow those memories to begin falling one by one onto my keyboard in hopes of sharing my view. Prepare, pray and breathe, friends.

A Present of Presence

05 Saturday Dec 2020

Posted by in Life, Reflections

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I brought my coffee to the sunroom to watch the sun change from a narrow apricot band over the tree tops, become the growing light, and make the sky match the frost covered ground. Sitting by my little “memory” Christmas tree here, I take off one ornament – a clothespin pony, painted red wth white polka dots and a white yarn mane and tail. I remember opening the box of clothespin ornaments back in the 80’s, all painted and decorated in detail; angels, soldiers, a lion, ponies; all still with me today because they were mailed to us from West Virginia. Big Sissy Helen always thought of us.

Reaching for the blessing jar sent only a couple weeks ago from Linda in New Jersey, I pull out today’s surprise message. This one simply said, “We never lose the people we love. They live wth us in our hearts for the rest of our lives.” And I gingerly touch the little red clothespin pony to my face, stirring the present of Helen’s presence in my heart.

A busy cardinal outside my window now reminds me of Helen’s early up-and-at ’em-life. I remember also the first time ever when she didn’t know who I was when I called her. It was Mother’s Day this year. I wrote about it; about the heartbreak of Alzheimer’s and the things it robs from us. I need to finish that for Helen’s girls and her husband’s sake. They need to know their mom and wife still lives on in the hearts of others, even though she has only fragments of herself living still in the shell of her body.

Yes, Linda, they do live on in our hearts. Thank you for the reminder coming from the little jar of love; that we have not truly lost those who are not physically in our midst. They are so much more than a body and a face.

I pray God will grant me the ability and time to be like those little slips of paper coming daily from the blessing jar; reminding someone, somewhere that real life – the real life that goes on living in our hearts – is not vanity at all. God gave us each other for a reason. May we each paint the dark skies with light; open gifts of pleasure for others, and speak words of blessing into their lives while we can. We will live in their hearts for the rest of their lives.

Margrette Ann

14 Sunday Jun 2020

Posted by in Friendship, Reflections

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Margrette had a beautiful soprano voice as I recall. Occasionally I would be seated in worship services near enough to hear her singing in the spirit. She also used her voice more than a few times to speak her belief that something ought or ought not to be; although, never did I hear her belittle anyone nor speak in any fashion that would have been unbecoming of a lady. Margrette Enoch wore her Christianity in the form of love for her family; cooking for neighbors and visitors (her baked beans with ground beef and brown sugar were my husband’s favorite!); teaching bible stories to youngsters; working side by side with her husband to provide for themselves as well as foster children, mission work and the various functions necessary for a local congregation to do the work commissioned by Christ.

I met Margrette in 1984 when we moved into their community and continued our farming operation there. I feel sure she was the first woman to love on my husband in a way that showed him neighbors are good. Neighbors are kind. Neighbors look out for you. Just being in close proximity does not make a neighbor. “Love thy neighbor” (Matthew 22:39); and who is my neighbor? Anyone who poses an opportunity to provide some kind deed (Luke 10:25-37). We were blessed with friendship and food from her home. We were stewards of their farm land for about 35 years and never heard a complaint nor a grumble. We shared recipes, garden produce (my favorite being her blueberries) and love for a peaceful country life. She made her husband’s old family home into their home for their three boys, in-laws, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Easing  down the long gravel lane from our road to their house always ended with “Hey there! Come in!”

My husband and I both sobbed yesterday morning, June 13, 2020 when we received the news of Margrette’s passing. Tears for our loss; as well as tears for time we’ve lost on things that just won’t matter in the long run. Although Margrette was 80 years of age, she was so steadfast in her life that even her use of a walker hadn’t prepared us for the extent of her failing health. Margrette did not need fancy clothes, cars nor an exquisite house to love and be loved. She did what she could for others and built a quiet legacy of service.

I spent the day outside processing the news as well as all else that’s going on in our world lately. No matter what I did near the nests of our resident wrens, they kept singing and singing; beautifully doing what God created them to do. These small brown birds hide very well in our Washington Hawthorn tree, but I knew they were there by their song. Like Margrette,  doing what she was created to do, usually unseen, and singing her song of friendship for us and her Lord.  I  will miss you Margrette Ann Enoch.

selective focus photo of house wren perched on white birdhouse

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SUNSET

06 Saturday Jun 2020

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Orange, pink and lavender streaks filled my rear view mirror as I drove away from the heartbreak I had been both dreading and denying would come to be. Having just left a loved one who came into my life at the age of nearly nine, we had parted sobbing as I bent to hug him in his wheelchair. Due to the Covid 19 precautions I was not allowed to see him to his new world; a room in a building of strangers to whom we would be entrusting his healthcare as he struggles to rehabilitate his legs to function once again. Wearing his Wranglers, a UK Cats t-shirt and his farmer’s cap he was wheeled into the unknown. From outside, I could only make out reflections and shadows within as I drove away wondering how such great changes can envelope us in a very short long time

The reasons and excuses for why we do what we do, regardless of the expected consequences, are not the focus of my heart when a loved one faces dire straits. The fiery pain within the hearts of grief and guilt are equally shared when love is there. I do not have to understand why in order to feel heartbroken over the loss of independence, dignity and self-confidence. Anger is replaced by sympathy. Frustration is replaced by compassion. Youth is replaced by the effects of living, however that living is done. Good or bad, we age; some better than others. But when the clouds clear away after all the storms of life, there will be the sunset. As surely as we draw one breath after another, the sun will rise and the sun will go down. There is the hope of another day; a better day.

The beauty of the glow in my mirror that evening hushed my crying. I was reminded that God is forever the same; regardless of how we thrive or how we mess it all up, He is eternally good, present and loving. Loving in a way I cannot comprehend, my Lord Jesus Christ is true and just and will judge everyone by the same standard – that standard being a love immensely great and compassionate. I, on the other hand tend to be critical, harsh against the things I want changed in the lives around me, and picky to the point of distraction. Lord help me. Without kindness and patience how can our love be known? Those are the least we can do. Pray, yes. Plead, yes if need be. Petition for help, certainly. But above all, love. Be kind. Be fruitful. Let your loved ones know how important they are while you still can. We never know when we might leave them in the sunset.

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (I Corinthians 13:1-8a)

Dear Mama

10 Sunday May 2020

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Another Mother’s Day has arrived; the sun envelopes the morning, whose stillness is only broken by the song of birds. “This is the day that the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it!” (Psalm 118:24)  Of all the blessings God has given me, you, dear Mama, are at the top of my favorites list, just behind Jesus and that is exactly as you would have it, for He made all this possible. No, you couldn’t walk on water, but there was a time in my life when I just about thought you could! Thank you for instilling in me a faith in God, by keeping it alive at a level young eyes could see, at a depth mature eyes can reach.  “Her children rise up and call her blessed…” (Proverbs 31:28a) And through her, they learn to see Him.

I had a surprise visit from my sister last evening, ending the day with good memories, and looking forward to today without feeling “socially distanced” at all. Before turning out the light, I wanted to tell Mama about our visit.

Dear Mama, Thank you for bringing home a little sister to me back in 1958. For the first 15 years I only saw our differences and it must have been hard for you to wait. Knowing we were cut from the same pattern, but of different pieces of cloth; you knew we’d figure it out and find the sister in each of our hearts. We still sit and talk about you like you  never went away, and come to think about it, you’re more present everyday. You’re woven through the tapestry of our lives, I know it’s true, for the things you cared so much about, I find living with us too. Your expressions and excitement live on in your second child; and your passion for teaching, your quick wit and smile. What she sees of you in me, I really couldn’t say, but I see you in the mirror every single day! Your love for birds and flowers, gardens and sweets – we share those too. A little wren sings every morning – I think she sings of you. Our hearts first beat beneath your own; three hearts you birthed and took us home. Protected, encouraged, pampered us all, and covered life’s booboos with laughter. Thank you for putting so much of yourself into us, that we would find some part of you in each other, ever after. Love, Trisha

To those boys and girls who did not find your life so encased in a mother’s love and guidance as I did, I pray you will find in your memory the hands and face of someone who did work that magic of training up a child, of holding your hand and being a mom-figure for you. May I assure you also, that you had another. Though you may not have known, my mother tried to be the best friend, teacher and guide to you, to all children, young and old, as she could be. So many faces and names come before me now who were in Mama’s heart and prayers.

Happy Mother’s Day to all women who have carried the thought of another within their heart.

 

That Old Cat

13 Monday Jan 2020

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With all the illness and losses that plagued our friends and family through the past summer and fall, it didn’t seem appropriate that I lament publicly about an old cat wearing out. Now, winter is hard on everybody at some level, and having to bury anyone, even a pet, in the cold is just terribly unpleasant, not even counting the sorrow of loss. Since summer, the year has been hard on the pet population in our family. Our son, our daughter, a niece and we ourselves have each lost a pet. So, indulge me please as I talk about that old cat. One gray evening I drove into our driveway with this in my vision. My husband, who would certainly not want to be labeled ‘soft’ was on his backhoe across the road, digging a little grave because he knew I was on my way home from the veterinarian’s office with my old gray cat who’d taken his last trip home. We laid him wrapped in his soft camo blanket under an oak tree where he had played and hunted many a day. I wrote most of the following on that evening.

December 2019:  In the red glow of a winter sunset, I say goodbye to my friend of ten and a half years. Mr. Gray Kitty was the world’s best mouser and mole catcher ever. He appeared on my front porch the week of my mother’s funeral with one eye open and the other still closed. Now, how a new kitten could have found our five-block high porch from who knows where, is anybody’s guess. I gave up asking who placed him there, as everyone seemed as stumped as I. His first look at me sent him diving off the end of the porch into the shrubs, only to scale the wall a few hours later and then repeat the routine three or four more times. By the third day of placing a small dish of cat food under the shrubs, it became clear that he preferred diving and hiding over human contact. The second time my husband (yeh the tough guy) heard a meow followed by my denial of any cat ownership, he said, “OK, if you’re gonna keep it, get it fixed and get it’s shots.” And so Mr Gray became a member of our family. Funny how these four legged creatures never have to say a word; they just move in.

Mr. Gray kept me occupied that summer with orienting him to our house… or perhaps he oriented me to the world of cat lovers, and bossed his way into my heart. Cantankerous and funny, he came within an inch of his furry life more than once by killing my birds, but as they say, he WAS a cat. I finally attached two bells to his collar to give the birds a heads up that they were being stalked. Calling him in for the night was easier too, as I could hear the jungle jingle while he trotted in from the field to sleep in the garage, usually on top of my car, mountain lion style. I still smile at the memory of his mad dash out when the doors were opened in the morning, after which he would pause, look around as if embarrassed to say, “well, I don’t know what the rush is, nothing has changed”. As a hunter, he was amazing. Our garage was his trophy case. No sooner did we remove one headless prey, than he would deposit another. Mice, moles, rats, snakes, frogs, baby rabbits (I know, sad) and unfortunately birds, were all too slow for that old cat. Too quick for us as well, one minute he was rubbing our legs, purring for petting, and the next he was leaving scars on our arms. As the senior pet, he was much too cool to welcome the puppy. Eventually he was following, from a cool distance of course, when we took our afternoon walks. He had to admit hide and seek was fine as long a he could hide and pounce.

 

Finally, too old and sick to go on living, his hunts are over. I now bury him at the time of day he would be coming in to tell us he is still king hunter, and looking for his Temptations treats. I will miss his little freckled nose.

If there’s a moral to this, and I’m not sure there is (I just wanted to tell you about that old cat) then the moral might be this. Animals do not come in touting all their accomplishments nor proclaiming their worth. Whatever it is they are supposed to do, they just move in and do it; guarding, hunting, cuddling, whatever they find to do, they do it with all their hearts. Not a word of our language, yet they show great loyalty and return our care with love unlimited.

“And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-34) NKJV

December 27, 2019 THE AFTERGLOW

29 Sunday Dec 2019

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Morning sun has turned to overcast skies. The dishwasher consumes the remains of another meal made from our Christmas Day dinner. I sit down with my forgotten friend to type out my thoughts which come and go as quickly as the holiday activities. I have a mug of warmed wassail with a serving of cream cheese and habanero pepper jelly on Nut-thins. The pepper jelly was one of many gifts brought in this week by loved ones, and reminds me that though they have gone on their ways, their sweet presence and memories stayed on to warm me through my winter days.

As if six nights and days were not a more than generous sharing of her time, I may have tried to guilt our daughter into staying just one more night…to do one more day of leisure, or shop, or nothing…just to revel in the blessing of family. Though our son had just driven out to help us delete some of the many leftovers, visited and saw his sister off, I still tried bribing him to come back out and spend Friday evening with games and appetizers…oh the tactics of a mother about to be left in the wake of a blessed and busy Christmas week!

The house is quiet, Auggie wants a nap, husband is back to routine business, and the forgotten Christmas pickle hangs on a new limb of the tree. 20191227_093757
An over-looked trash bag stuffed with torn wrapping paper hangs from the back of a rocking chair, and the refrigerator bulges yet with left-overs! I have a closet full of gifts to sort and put away for husband and me; granddog hair to vacuum and bedding to change. There is a lonely glow of the tree lights reflected on the floor now uncovered and bare where there were piled gifts of love and generosity from and to our family and friends. A similar glow is in my heart reflecting the precious smiles of great-nieces and nephews, img_0444

the shrieks of laughter as we played Santa Auction among the adults and the contented sighs after the meal; a meal that followed my brother-in-law’s prayer of gratitude for bountiful blessings and family time, and mostly for the Christ child whom we try to honor as we give, and serve, and love, and pray and encourage one another.

Before I know it, the ground will be warming and planting season will be here from which I will hope to reap fresh produce and see productive crops for our farmers. Likewise, may the good deeds done and the love given this season, reap much happiness and closer ties that last the whole year through.

Come to think of it, Auggie has the right idea – it is about time for a nap! Until next Christmas season, I ask Father God to bless our home, community and country with the peace that I feel down deep in my soul at this time. I will be praying especially for those who did not have all their family with them, and for those who, sadly, feel far from prayer.  Bless the name of God, the giver of all perfect gifts, the Father of Light as we rest in Him to bear our disappointments and pain; knowing that His balm and peace are eternal, and perfect.

Have a truly happy, healthy and peaceful new year!

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  James 1:17

On Peace and Power

17 Saturday Aug 2019

Posted by in Encouragement, Reflections

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cornfield in August

The morning has a stillness about it that feels content; catching its breath after so much growing and toiling thru the spring and summer. The corn field has taken on the color of its brown tassels with feathered streaks of tired green, faded from the sun and age. Cicadas and other insect sounds tell me that August is half gone, and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Summers hold so many expectations, pregnant with projects to be done, and promises of lazy hazy days to play. Suddenly it’s over, another school year for some; for me it’s time to decide which of those projects are worth the rush to get accomplished before autumn, too, has come and gone.

Sitting here on the front porch, I find myself as content as the air about me. Content to let the world go by, tempted to turn off every power switch – like the one that would have gotten this tired old porch furniture washed and repainted a month ago, which means, I guess, that it’s already been turned off. The switch of desire to clean out the landscape just beneath the porch edge – pretty dim; I don’t think I can find it. I had my chores lined up for today, doggie bath, garden stroll to gather what’s left and a nice bouquet, and lower the level of the ironing basket. Yet, here I sit. Watching the barn swallows swoop and chatter;  enjoying the bluebirds feed their third family this year; listening as the sounds of summer press pause, but expectant, like a gift waiting to be opened. A crow caws, finches chirp, a hummingbird teases the air and the hum of distant traffic all lull me near to the edge of complacency.  I pull myself back and remember why I came out here – time for devotion, recharging as I connect with the Real Power. Today’s message in Mornings with the Holy Spirit*, August 17, is titled “Walk In Peace And Power”.  Wow.

As is so often the case, the devotional I open reflects my thoughts. Peace. Contentment. The writer in today’s read says, “When you are upset by circumstances around you, you’ve stopped trusting Me” (speaking as the Holy Spirit). “Where trust exists, peace flows. Where peace abides, power flows. Where power is present, change can occur.” Next the writer reminds us that God works all things together for our good because He loves us and we love Him, and to cast our cares upon Him and pray.  I have learned to cast my cares upon Him, and I believe that is why I can feel true peace and comfort, even in the knowledge that so many friends and family are in distress. I know Who cares, and that as I am still, waiting in peace, He has the power, not I, to change those things that matter to my heart. Trying to fix things myself can’t come close to what He can accomplish when we are calm and trusting to take it to God in prayer. Expectant stillness; hope.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  (Philippians 4:6-7)

Paul didn’t sit complacent, expecting the absence of hardships. He kept going; but – in the contentment of God’s provision and care; through Christ Jesus.

So, rather than complaining about the heat, lets drink our water and turn on the fan. Be still. Read from God’s Word. Find out how much He loves; how big He blesses; how infinite His peace.

Be calm, and trust on.

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*Mornings With The Holy Spirit With Journal by Jennifer LeClaire. Page 240.

 

I Remember

12 Sunday May 2019

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20190511_205124The cemetery was as silent yesterday as the gray drizzle hanging in the air. My daughter and I had come to place new flowers on my mother’s grave and to honor her with a moment of silence, standing over the plaque bearing her name. I did not cry over it as I knew she, herself, was not there, but in perfect peace, somewhere else; paradise some of us call it. I was able to feel immense gratitude for the life she lived, and for the time it was shared with us. We left the gloom just one purple bouquet brighter, and a mist in my eyes only because I would have loved to tell her once again that I love her. I wouldn’t wish here back here with all the bumps and bruises of this life.

The real tears I shed yesterday were for a friend I ran into, who is spending her first Mother’s Day without her beautiful daughter. I thought about all those who would awaken today without that one who was in their lives all too briefly. You who have lost children are in my heart today. I know you don’t need to be reminded that this is not what we call natural – to have children go on before you. No, but I believe you do need to know you are thought of, loved and appreciated for the strength you have gained on your journey. While I don’t pretend to understand, I offer my silent nod to your loss, your strength, and my sincere wishes for fulfillment, blessings and peace.

I remember you, I remember your loved one. Perhaps we had children in elementary school together. I may have met you recently; or may have known you most of my life. Maybe I worked with you when your world stood still;  or stood beside you as you said goodbye to your stillborn. It may be that I worship beside you, adoring the God Who blessed us with children. I may have stood in line one day with some comment or complaint that made you want to shake me. All your names, as many as I can remember, walk through my heart of prayer every week. My wish for you is to know that your children, no matter their age, are with the most loving Father we can imagine, Who loves them more than we can, ourselves. And there is a third grade teacher somewhere in the bliss they are now living, who would do anything in the world for a child if it were the Lord’s will to allow her to do so.

Happy Mother’s Day to you, and to my Mama, and to all women, who stand as role models in the world.

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making Mother’s Day memories, My daughter and me.

 

 

NICE DAY, Part 4: Angry Words Do Not Make Nice Days!

06 Monday May 2019

Posted by in Children, MONDAY MUSINGS, Reflections

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I think the first child’s antics are more surprising because young parents have no idea! No. Idea. At that stage, we haven’t even counted as high as the number of emotions, trials, and tests we’re about to encounter. Everything your first baby says and does is amazing and funny because, hey, you haven’t heard it before. And no matter how many others do the same things, you still laugh, because it really is funny! I never get tired of remembering ours, and hearing about others’ memories as well. While remembering the cute things kids have done and said is heart warming and good, I wonder if I am the only one who may once in a while, find those memories followed by an unpleasantness that doesn’t belong there. I’ll explain later.

Our son was our first born, surprising us one evening with an early labor, in breech position, arriving at 9:20 PM. He has been a late nighter ever since, and a late riser as well, so the sun was always up before he was. Even still, the bed and breakfast were about all he wanted of the house. As soon as he was tall enough to see out the window, he checked the weather first, and then would report to me, “It’s a shine-shiny day out, Mama!” Interpretation: I want to go outside. See, what this kid knew was that the indirect approach worked so much better that the direct. A bedtime fighter, he found any excuse he could to resist bedtime routine. I had to pin him to the floor to brush his teeth, while he sputtered, “But my lips are reflexive!”, followed by “I wanna watch Gonny Cawson (Johnny Carson)! As if! When he wanted to go fishing a few years later,  rather than beg to go, he tied a construction paper fish to a stick and held it out the door as I was coming inside. Written on it was “I got an itchin’ to go fishin’!” Sly little dude. Next came fifth grade, with Mrs. Pittman’s rule of  ‘no locker opens after class starts’…did I mention he procrastinated other things as well as bedtime? To see Dora Pittman tell this is quite funny, as she slides one arm slowly back, leaning ever so slyly toward an imaginary locker to retrieve a book that should have been out of there before the bell rang! Some 30 years later, she still calls him her ‘locker boy’.

Yes, memories are fun…but sometimes it gets painful. There’s a little black-caped masked demon about an inch tall that occasionally comes slinking into the picture of a good memory, and it’s name is Regret. I hate that imp! He messes with my mind, and if I give him any attention, he starts growing until he is bigger than the picture. That’s the unpleasantness I was referring to earlier. I’m guessing there is a trigger for almost anyone to be reminded of their failures, for we all have some sort of regrets I’ve been told. For me, the trigger is remembering my kids’ childhood which makes me ask, why is such an awesome responsibility placed into the hands of the inexperienced?? Now, I know most of you were nauseatingly good, patient, creative parents; I mistakenly thought I was at the time. Let me just cut through the chase and bare my blisters: CHILDREN WERE NOT MADE TO BE YELLED AT. There. That is my regret. I grasped at the details and missed the big beautiful picture. Math problems, tooth brushing and choosing which toy to take, should never be a source of pain or anxiety. These everyday life things can create havoc, or heaven. The things that we think must be done should never override patience and gentleness. I was given the most precious gifts on earth, and I let them and the Giver down when I lost control and yelled. Mamas and Daddies, no one else would tolerate our ill tempered yelling, so why dish it out on the very ones who love and trust us to be their Rock? Seriously, they need more good memories, not more math; calm evenings more than clean teeth; and the time it took to choose which truck to take with him could have been spent planning supper, or tickling him into a decision. I wonder how many times he was about to make a choice when I again, called “would you come on now!” Oh how that dastardly bandit Regret can run off with your fun! But, God is good, and has forgiven me. My children say there’s nothing to forgive or forget; they say they had a great childhood. The problem lies within where forgiveness does not come easily for ourselves. I’m working on it, but I still hate those angry words that messed up good days.

“If a person thinks himself to be religious and does not bridle his own tongue, but deceives his own heart, his religion is useless.” (James 1:26)

Lest I leave the impression that I was a total monster, I do have a memory of handling things well. This son of ours has an artist streak in him that was once used on the refrigerator, in crayon. I actually had a roll of film in the Kodak, and it makes a cute photo when a toddler is cleaning the refrigerator in his training pants. I think he was as proud of his job of removing the masterpiece as he was of making it.

cleaning up artwork
sneaking M&Ms

Happy Monday, stay calm, and make it a nice day! Go ahead and sneak a few M&Ms:)