I have struggled today with matters of faith, prayer and promises. I didn’t know how to word my questions, so no matter how much I wanted to write, all I could say was “I can’t even…” and when I tried to pray I cried and felt like an ungrateful child, or at best, a distant relative. Throughout the day, I’ve studied God’s word with intermittent prayer and at last have, with God’s guidance, found my footing in that jagged mountainside of faith. “…nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.” (II Timothy 1:12)

If you have never questioned God’s promises – well, not so much God, but our understanding of the promises – if you’ve never felt your faith quiver somewhat, then I applaud you in your stoic faith. Though I have met some disappointments without questioning God even one little bit, that is not always the case.  There have come times of heartache brought about by no one’s wrong doing; hope that’s dashed and severe suffering by good people. We see it everyday. We pray, we see answers and blessings, we praise God, knowing His goodness and mercy have followed us. Or, we pray, we wait hopefully, believing God’s will is best and plan to give all glory to Him, whatever the answers are. Or, we pray, we watch bad turn to worse, we hope and pray more, and continue to see what to our human sight, is unanswered prayer. Wrong. None of these is the true purpose of prayer. It’s not about the answers. I know this. I just get so caught up in taking it all to the Lord, that I veer off course on a path of thinking He owes me answers. How wrong this is!

I read somewhere that the true purpose of prayer is to draw closer to God, not to seek answers. I believe scripture supports that; even though the Lord said “seek and you shall find, ask and it shall be given, knock and it shall be opened to you”. So I ask myself, am I seeking, asking and knocking for the wrong things? His answers are already given us in His Word – both the written word as well as His Word that became flesh and dwelt among us. He knows suffering. He knows disappointment. He knows prayer beyond human limits, to the point of sweating like great drops of blood. (Luke 22:44)

What has my heart burdened today is not for myself, but for friends who so far have not seen the answers that they and our community have sought for months. Still we pray, knowing that with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).  Every time I look at the newspaper, or listen to the news, there are reports of more suffering children; neglect, abuse, tragedy, and I want to throw something and scream. Still I pray. I pray with the knowledge that whatever circumstances any of us endure, we are already given everything we need. The rest, beyond Christ as our Savior, is icing on the cake. My heart aches that some of those sweetest blessings are subjected to pain and suffering, that beautiful young life is interrupted for tedious tests and treatments; that dreams dissolve into emesis basins and medications. Cancer is so cruel. But, focus, I tell myself; eyes on the Lord, not on the problem. Look higher, seek a life of walking with the only one who knows completely what we are going through. He has weathered every storm long before us; He gave up every comfort, even to death, so that when life such as it is, forces evil upon us, He can carry us through. Jesus knows. Jesus cares. Jesus has provided the peace that passes all understanding. Jesus is Lord – on the mountain and in the valley – and has prepared the end of our story to be victorious. Whether the story lasts a few months, 18 years, 90 years or more, ours is but a breath and then there is eternal life. Victorious, perfect, eternal praise to the One Who gave us everything good; and ultimately destroys all that threatens good.

These questions have been mauled by the philosophies of people on all sides of the issues, and this simple country girl has no original idea, nor even a good idea to help us get through life’s storms. Here is what I do know: no force of earth nor space could ever have given me the blessings I’ve enjoyed, except the fiercely loving, all knowing God I serve. He did not cause bad things to happen, and if He always only allowed us to have everything we ask, where would be the hope of Heaven? If all was good, uninterrupted smooth sailing, who would need the lighthouse? It’s all about preparing our lives to depend on Him, to look forward to being with Him, and to give Him all praise for what He has done for us. Life is grand, and grander still, God holds my hand and always will.

I mentioned earlier a ‘jagged mountainside of faith’. I look forward to the completion of my faith, when I reach the top of that mountain. As long as I am here though, on the mountainside, there will be falling rock, stumbling stones, and holes to overcome because this is life – human style. I believe we can only reach the top by holding hands, (we have two) one with God and the other helping another. When our faith is complete in Christ, our journey done, we will look back at all He has brought us through; to new life –  heaven style. I still have questions; even in the autumn of life my faith is still growing; but I have hope that when we do rest atop that mountain, the view will be worth it all.

If you’ve stayed with me to this point, thank you for hearing my heart. I truly want to hear from yours too, in how you reconcile verses such as “faith will save the sick” in James 5, with the knowledge that some are not healed. How do you wrestle with life questions without bruising your faith or that of others? Remind me of Job, “In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.” (Job 1:22)  Have a good week. Trisha